ContraRarian

One day, a dog owner went to the local pastor to announce the death of his dog and to request for a burial service. ‘I am afraid we don’t do services for animals in my church’, says the pastor, ‘but there’s a new church down the road, and only God knows what they believe in,’ he continued. ‘I reckon they could help. You can try your luck there.’ ’ Thanks, Pastor! I’ll go right away’, said the dog owner. ‘But’, he asked again innocently, ‘Pastor, do you think they’ll accept a donation of £250,000 as enough fee for the burial service? The pastor exclaimed, ‘sweet Jesus! Why didn’t you tell me your dog was a christian………..?

Paddy searches for Jesus

bravohd:

Paddy stumbles across a mass baptism at a river. He walks into the river and stands next to the preacher.. “Are you ready to find Jesus my son?”…Paddy says, “I am sir”

Preacher puts him under the water then says, “Have you found Jesus?”….”No sir.” He puts him under for longer…

“Have you found Jesus?”…”No sir”… He puts him under for 2 minutes…”Have you found Jesus?”

Paddy says, “Are you fuckin sure this is where he fell in!!??”

(via bravohd-deactivated20110527)

Where I come from, we “Pray” first, THEN we “Eat”, THEN we “Love”. (HAHAHA. Just kidding. I’m incapable of love. And there is no God.)

jasonmustian, 8:47 PM Jul 31st, Twitter